Mother's Day Debriefing

My left-brain is non-existent, or at least it feels that way a lot of the time, particularly when I’m unmedicated. I’ll get these ideas for posts, but if I don’t walk away from whatever I’m doing when the thought flutters through my brain, it might not return.

My missing left-brain has a few benefits; one being that I am spectacular at living in the moment. The downside is that planning ahead does not come naturally. I become aware of say Monday morning on Monday morning. I decide that it would be nice to write about Mother’s Day on Mother’s Day. Same with Christmas, Valentine’s Day and unfortunately, my children’s birthdays. Experts tell me that planning is a skill that I can learn, and while I agree, I also know that regardless of how hard I work at planning and organizing, I haven’t seen a whole of lot of long-term improvement. In other words, practice has not made perfect, and frankly I don’t feel like I’ve improved much at all.

But alas, I keep trying. I suppose that’s all I can do

My other dilemma is that I don’t like planning in advance, and I live with this delusion that I do my best work at crunch time. Because I’m deluded, I really believe that planning ahead infringes on my creativity. And really, it might. But waiting until the last minute is extremely bad for my emotional well-being; therefore I work hard to learn and implement effective planning skills.

The point of me sharing all of this is that when it comes to blogging, I’m not much of a planner, and I did not plan a Mother’s Day post. Fortunately, at least this year, I didn’t write about Mother’s Day because I was busy enjoying it, so I will try elaborate later on the actual day.

In the past I have found Mother’s Day stressful — mostly because I have a complicated relationship with Mamala. This year was okay and I’m thankful. Drama-free? Well, not entirely, but I think we’re making progress.

This morning, I enjoyed a THREE hour phone call with my dear friend, Ani. I know!! Who besides an unsupervized fourteen year old talks on the phone for THREE hours without even realizing it? Apparently us.

Ani’s Mother’s Day was a bit stressful, and she and I had to mother each other a little because really, isn’t that what so many women do for each other?

As I reflect on Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate and acknowledge the women who have nurtured and cared for me throughout my life. We women really are emotional caretakers, whether we have biological children or not, and that is truly something to celebrate.

My relationship with my mom is better than it’s ever been, but it wasn’t able to evolve and blossom until I was able to let go of this idea of what it should be. She had to do the same.

I am blessed beyond measure with good women friends and mentors. Even through this blog I have loyal readers who I really believe get me, and even when maybe they don’t, they make the effort and attempt to understand and find common ground.

That is a gift.

I got off the phone with Ani, and I was planning to write a summary about Mother’s Day, but a roundabout tribute to friendship felt more fitting.

I also struggle with Mother’s Day because I’ve had more than one person share with me how hurtful and upsetting the holiday can be. For some it’s a reminder that they won’t have biological children. Others are sad because their mother is gone and they miss her. Many have contentious or estranged relationships with their mothers while others are sad because their children or their mothers live far away and they can’t enjoy the holiday together. Then there are the mothers who have lost children through miscarriage or some other tragedy. I mean really, is a commercialized holiday that marketers dreamed up worth it when it serves as a painful reminder to so many of what they don’t have?

Whatever your circumstances this Mother’s Day (okay, technically it’s the day after), I challenge you to think about the women in your life who have mothered you — friends, teachers, aunts, coworkers, etc. It sounds cheesy, but sometimes I sit in silence and light a candle as I silently acknowledge people. Some of my “mothers” are no longer here, so I try to conjure up a happy memory as I light a candle and express gratitude. A word of caution if you have kids, wait until they go to bed to get the fire out. Trust me on this one….

This morning, I’m especially thankful for my friendship with Ani. She’s a good egg, and I’m glad I know her. The picture above is of the two of us at the beach over Easter weekend doing what we do best — chatting about life.

Who are the women who have nurtured you?

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Mother’s Day Debriefing

8 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Debriefing

  1. And Happy Mother’s Day to you. I guess I take all the good and positive stuff from all the women I know and try to apply it to my life. So I would give them a shout out. BTW I think, “Because I’m deluded, I really believe that planning ahead infringes on my creativity.” may also apply to me! 🙂

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  2. Beautiful post! I agree with you that Mother’s Day is a commercialized, marketed event, but so is Christmas, New Years, Memorial Day, you name it, we have boxed it, marketed it, and bought it. I am a non-traditionalist when it comes to holidays. Mother’s Day included. All my married life I have shared Mother’s Day with my husband, who’s birthday is May 13. Same with Father’s Day–our son was born on June 16. So husband shared the day with birthday boy. We’re not religious so we don’t really get into Christmas either.

    But on the other hand, I think women everywhere deserve to be properly recognized for all they do. Maybe we should petition to rename Mother’s Day National Women’s Day? That way those without children or mothers would not feel left out. Women do much in this world. If it weren’t for us there would be chaos.

    I am left-brain challenged as well. You’re right it does help us live in the moment, and I now fully embrace it. I’ve stopped worrying about everything I’ve forgotten and live for this moment. Makes my life fairly stress-free. It’s been an amazing transformation. I don’t plan as well and my paperwork is a mess, but I’m happy. To me that is most important.

    Hope your Day was wonderful.

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    • Thanks for such a beautiful comment! I’m so glad you’re doing well living in the moment! I agree that if we can embrace it, life is happier and less stressful. I’m still working on it and don’t think I’m doing that great until I chat with friends who can’t seem to get off that chaotic, schedule-the-life-out-of-everything train. What an exhausting way to live! I also agree that all holidays are over-commercialized. I worked in a Hallmark store in high school and college, and while I was never particularly traditional, it made me detest what I see as fake celebrations. I’ve come more to the middle now and strive to make my celebrations balanced, authentic and manageable, but seeing all the junk, overspending and high expectations that others get pulled in to still makes me a bit crazy. I’m so glad you’re doing well and thanks for being one of those blogger friends who “gets” me.

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  3. Ah, Mother’s Day…what can I say? My son is finally at the age to allow me to sleep in, but I have a diva Chihuahua and an alpha cat who are on a strict schedule!!!

    Ironically, I did more work yesterday than usual. I, I mean, we had a volcano school project due, and packing and last-minute stuff to do for camp. But when I die, my Heaven is going to consist of spa treatments and chocolate-covered strawberries, so I can wait until then.

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    • Ya know…my Mother’s Day was fine, nothing spectacular, but I made a point to not do a lot of work (meal-prep, laundry, baths,etc.) yesterday, a luxury that single mothers absolutely do not have. However, this morning rolled around and the house was a disaster, no one could find their shoes, and I was beyond annoyed. At the height of my frustration, I blurted out, “If y’all want to know what I really want for Mother’s Day, my greatest wish is that all of you could learn to put your stuff away and for the love of god, if nothing else, put your shoes on the mother-loving shelf by the door!!” WHY is that so difficult? Glad your boy let you sleep in!

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      • If you can figure out how to get them to put their stuff away, let me know! My boy takes his clothes off and leaves them wherever he is–middle of the living room, bathroom floor, his floor right NEXT to the dirty laundry basket!!! Drives me insane.

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